If I Could Trade Places.

I’m nearly 28 now and I’m back in school. Hell by this age, I feel that I should’ve at least finished a masters or something. Hell I should have finished a freaking doctorate, by now. I have nothing to show for these past 6/7 years, post undergrad. I have a job, but no true career, student loans out the ass, barely anything saved in the bank, no woman in my life. I now live in a small apartment, in the suburbs, west of Chicago. What am I doing?…

I constantly stare and creep at my Facebook newsfeed, whether it be on my phone or on the laptop. I always keep my chat-line off, so no one really notices me. Attempting to be in the shadows, I guess. I get so embarrassed or even annoyed, knowing someone may wonder what the hell I’ve been doing. That’s one conversation I could careless about. But sometimes, I would get those people, many of them old high school classmates that I can’t really avoid. So, I would tell them about my life and where it has taken me. And then they would wish they were in my shoes…

I always see these postings of people with smiles on their faces. Jumping, thrilled and ecstatic about life. I see everyone with a new car or something, married life, a newborn baby, just purchased a house, out spending an evening with friends at some bar in the city or something. And I think about what they have been doing in life. Most of the time, these people haven’t pursued any advanced degree, don’t have a stable job in the eyes of today’s society. So, why am I the miserable one? Because I’m a failure?

What I’m trying say is, and I’ve been thinking about this more and more over the past few years, I don’t know why anyone would even consider being in my shoes. I’m a 27 year old nursing student, who has no idea what he’s doing in life. I’m alone. That basically sums it up, and I’m sorry for being so pessimistic. Happiness isn’t about getting advanced degrees, trying to become a doctor, climbing the hierarchical stratum, etc. I personally feel that I’ve lost so much of my 20s out the door. I rather much have an average life, have been working for however many years already, have a family, a house, and BBQs on the weekends with family and friends. Those people seem to have the right idea and great morals.

I remember taking some humanities class, for my sociology minor, once back in undergrad. I remember my professor discussing the only ways to climb that hierarchical stratum: increase your income, advance degrees, get married into money, etc. You’d be surprised on the increased rates of depression, divorce, suicide and drug abuse in the higher class population. And as I look back on it now, why would anyone want that?



Author: nursesarereal

My nursing professor once said that keeping a journal, over time, will allow me to see growth. In myself? I’m not sure yet. I’m hoping. I like to believe that nursing school saved my life. Maybe I’ll have some fun doing this. Cheers.

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