It so happens that one of my assigned OB/PEDs clinical days fell on Thanksgiving this quarter, so of course it had to be rescheduled. As a result, last Tuesday, I had to go make up those hours.
My school set me up at a local outpatient pregnancy information center. It was a small facility, needless to say, that offered minimal services. And from what I’ve gathered, they really just offered ultrasound examinations, pregnancy testing, and counseling (to name just a few that really stuck out the most). However, this post isn’t for educational purposes. I was kind of laughing in my head the whole day.
When I arrived, I met up with the clinical nurse manager. She gave me a tour of the place and she immediately gave me the scoop of the organization. It was certainly geared towards “pro-life.” The moment I started chuckling was when she sat me down, in the education room, and started playing video tapes of various options for females who were expecting. Many of the videos were slightly biased, in that they attempted to deviate away from any concept of “abortion.” Nevertheless, one of those videos were specifically meant for educating on the surgical abortion process.
So, you ask why would this be so funny to me? Two months ago, I left working at Planned Parenthood. I’m sure you know of the organization. I worked there for about a year, as a medical assistant, and let me tell you…I saw it all. I did the administrative stuff for a little bit in the beginning. Eventually, I got more into the company and started to float all over the place. I worked in the “lab,” where they ran Rh cards, did blood work, urine testing, etc. Then, I did “procedure” for a little bit and assisted the physicians do their surgical abortion procedures, contraceptive implantations, CRNA anesthetic regiment, etc. You name it. And before I left, I was working in “soiled utility.” Essentially, I was packing up dead babies into formaldehyde jars and cleaning the surgical equipment. Sorry for being so forward.
Let me just toss this out there right now, I do consider myself to be pro-choice. Pro-choice in a sense that I don’t really care what other people do with themselves. I won’t dictate their own autonomy. However, me personally, let’s just say if I got a girl preggo tomorrow, I wouldn’t push her ass down a flight of stairs. Lol. I would let her choose. And if she wants to keep it, so be it. I refuse to be one of those punk ass fathers who leave their family behind. I do want kids, eventually. And I can see myself being a father one day.
#ANYWAY. While watching that animated video in the education room, I saw the characters using the speculum, the dialators, the doctor using the curettage to suck that baby out of the uterus. And as I watched it, I couldn’t help but think about how my life was literally in those shoes. I can still hear the vacuum; I can still remember playing with the vagina models on how they insert an intrauterine device; I can still smell that formaldehyde in the soiled utility room; I can still see myself washing the excess blood, down the drain, through the strainer; I can still remember seeing an 18 week old fetus. So, that’s why I laughed.
Idk. For some reason, I felt like I was just meant to be in that room. As if I was supposed to experience the other side of the debate. I’ve been having such a rough year personally, and I just felt like a God damn #mess. But, a good mess. Like a diamond in the rough, so to speak. My life is changing fast. And with my new job now, which is religiously affiliated, and this pro-life pregnancy facility thing, I sort of feel like someone is watching over me…