As I sit here in my apartment, with literally a tube of generic BenGay down both my calves (leg day at the gym), I’ve decided to reflect a little. I’m 28 years old. A nursing student man-child, with absolutely no prospects in settling down. Fml.
If I could name two crucial things nursing professors brain wash you with, they would be (1) Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development and (2) Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. But, I’m here today to talk about Erikson.
Lately, I’ve been giving Erikson more thought. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ve been studying the damn thing ever since I started the program. However, I never really thought about it, for myself personally.
I’m turning 28, in 2 days. That puts me into the “Young Adulthood” stage of my life, according to Erikson. And according to him, the basic conflict of this area relies heavily on Intimacy vs Isolation. If you aren’t really familiar with this, then let me sum it up for you…between the ages of 19 to 40, intimate and true relationships are built. This is the stage in your life to find your match. And according to him, failure at this stage leads to loneliness and isolation. Well thank you…for reminding me how bad I suck at relationships. Bastard.
I really don’t know what’s wrong with me. I can’t even count how many times I’ve gotten my heart broken, already. When I was still in medical school, I was in a relationship too. And my God, looking back, she was the one that “got away.” The big fish. I thought I was going to marry that woman one day, and well…obviously that didn’t work out. And my most recent endeavor in the world of love, the girl that I have been seeing intimately in nursing school…well…that obviously didn’t work out either. We barely talk anymore. It isn’t like it use to be. We were close once. Now we never look at each other in class. It sure as hell doesn’t help that we are in the same courses. It just gotten to a cycling point of misleading confusion, lack of trust, annoyance, etc. The whole 9 yards. But somehow, after spurts of highs, I seem to always find myself back in the lows.
Maybe it’s just me. I’m getting tired of all the games. I’m getting older and more traditional with these types of things. I guess I’m the type of person that can’t seem to just let go. I’m a fighter. I fight till there’s nothing left in me. I’m not a big believer in “soulmates,” “the right one,” etc. I think relationships are dead the moment you just don’t care to give it a try anymore. Isn’t that what love is suppose to be? Unconditional. Trying. Ugh…relationships are difficult. When it’s not right, it’s just not right. But who has time for cliches. I suppose on a brighter note, if love was easy, it wouldn’t be worth fighting for.
I encourage you to analyze where you are along the Erikson model too. Assuming the demographic audience here is also around the 19-40 age group, the data might not vary as much. But, I’d love to hear your stories anyway…