It was the summer of 2014. Clear skies, to say the least. Right outside of the bookshop, I already felt the curiosity of people nosing through my SUV window. It seemed as if a band of soldiers were invading through my locked doors. Edith was a 2010 Ford Edge, all black, sleek, but not necessarily washed. However, this is not a story about Edith. I was balls deep in tears that day, clinically depressed, thinking about killing myself.
I had an apartment in the big city of Chicago, all to myself. It was nice. It overlooked the water. It was quiet and had a very, very attractive blonde girl living next door. I had everything: a spoiled man brat. However, I was always in and out of the place, regardless of the weather. I wandered into different libraries, drove out to different bookstores, took jogs at different parks. I did not spend nearly enough time sitting down and studying, than exploring the world. I had already been in the state of Illinois, for well over a year. And yet, I had not accomplished anything…other than simply wasting time.
That day, I finally turned in my gloves and gave up medical school. After completing 2 years of basic sciences and well over 50 grand down the drain, let me tell you, it sure as hell wasn’t easy breaking the wonderful news to my proud, Filipino parents. They were #LIVID.
If you ask me why I dropped everything, I really couldn’t tell you. It all happened so fast and so naturally. I guess you can say I knew for a while, since after my second year of med school. Ever since I got to Illinois, my life seemed like it was all falling apart. Sometimes, I simply lose sight of all my reasons and find myself still trying to figure that out. In denial, playing the blame game, etc. At this point, blaming my downfall on “life” is just too overly cliche. Sure, I couldn’t hack it. I’m not brilliant. I had to work harder than most, to retain and critically comprehend the material. I was losing sleep. I was salty, almost all the time. It was strenuous stuff, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, etc. It’s just not for everyone, I suppose; at least not for me, at the time.
I was depressed, burnt out and exhausted. I haven’t had a break from school, in over 8 years. No sense of direction, no doctorate. Medicine was no longer fun. I lost all interest. I stopped “enjoying the science,” as many doctors would say. Of course, I wasn’t the only one going through a lot. I knew my parents were in turmoil too, putting me through school. No one was happy.
I had come to realize that I couldn’t be a doctor and be a patient at the same time. I was being selfish and stupid. I couldn’t imagine helping and caring for others, without caring for myself first. Something had to change.
Hey everyone! My name is Scott. Medical school dropout. Registered Nurse. Tender lover, etc.
Let’s get you all caught up!
The summer of 2014 changed my life. For the better or worse? I really haven’t gotten there yet. But, let’s find out together!
About the Blog
I was still a nursing student, when I started this blog. One of my nursing professors once told me to start keeping a personal journal. This goes without saying that I have always kept one, throughout my life. Yet, it wasn’t until the beginning of 2015 that I finally decided to start this blog. I felt my life encouraged an expressive venue of sorts. Then again, after completing my nursing mental-health course, I also learned that keeping a personal journal is very therapeutic.
All the posts in this blog will reflect on areas relating to my personal life, profession, and experiences. So, take it with a grain of salt, as it will be biased to my own views. A place of no rules, no regulations; just freedom and I.
As a reader, you will find many things here: personal views and experiences, stories, advice, miscellaneous information, etc. At this point, there’s no telling what I’ll venture into, where this blog will take me and how it will develop over time.
If one of your patients are coding right now, don’t bother with the damn blog! Go save a life, for crying out loud! If you’re about to “get it in” (if you know what I’m saying), don’t bother with the damn blog! Those times are scarce enough, as it is! #sigh. Haha! If you’re looking for workout routines, to get those overly ginormous trap muscles, well…this blog probably isn’t for you either. I don’t know too many. Haha! Even though that sentence probably already insinuated my lack of a six pack, don’t judge me! I got my own problems!
But, I do love and enjoy finding the humor in things, the joy; the simpler things… So, if I rub anyone the wrong way, please know that it is all in good fun. I love to laugh. I love to see growth and progression. And with that said, I believe that’s the key to keeping us all connected…at peace…and sane.
I do consider myself to be contemporary. And at times, I may or may not use colloquial jargon. In addition, I don’t intend to be too anally attentive to grammatical errors. However, I’ll try to watch out for them. Let me get this out of the way now: I’m NO English major. I don’t have spectacular degrees and credentials in the English language. Hell, I failed my first English course in college. Sadly, I had to take the damn thing twice.
My nursing professor once said that keeping a journal, over time, will allow you to see growth. In myself? I’m not sure yet. I’m hoping. I like to believe that nursing school saved my life. Maybe I’ll have some fun doing this 🙂
Let’s find out together!